Bag of Pretzels

Other episodes in this series: 
Saturday Radio Diary
Date: 
November 26, 2011

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At the grocery store, I pick up orange juice and cat food and a few other essentials.  I'm on my way to the check-out when I see my husband's favorite pretzels.  I know that the bag at home is almost empty and yet I hesitate.  I'm feeling vaguely annoyed with him at the moment, the result of a disagreement from the previous evening.  I try to remember the details and cannot, but the irritation remains and I walk past the pretzels. 

Inside my head, I listen to my generous self argue with my petty self.  It's an old, old debate and I know both sides by heart.  Why is it so hard, I wonder, to do the right thing?  The kind thing?  Or is it only hard for me?  I turn around and go back to the snack aisle. 

At home, I put the pretzels on the kitchen counter so my husband will see them and not buy any.  A note tells me he's gone to the bank and the bakery.  I'm upstair when he returns and later, when I come down, I see two cookies in a plastic bag next to the pretzels.  "They had peanutbutter," my husband says.  "Your favorite."

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Oh the generous soul!

Thank you for your confession, Karen. It makes me feel less alone in my ungenerosity. And your husband's generosity, so like my own husband's, brought tears to my eyes. I can't seem to be like him, but I can and do appreciate his love, often wondering at its enormity, its all-embracingness.

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